Transparency: This essay is part of my journey through “A Year with Myself“.
If you would like to follow this journey of mine, you may do so through my sidebar, or my Experiment page.
As I share below, my focus is to live in alignment from a center of peace. To do this, requires that my life be in alignment. Quite simply, then, I allow for lots of time within my life for introspection, many hours in nature, and practice the concepts of embrace and release as I do the inner work of applying clarity to my life. As I evolve, changes such as this project and my experiment page are brought to fruition.
I treat this online space as I do my own heart space–I do not “trumpet” my latest change, I live it…quietly. I realize, though, that as a reader, you might potentially “miss out” if I do not share directly. I wrote this essay as part of this project, shared it with a few friends, and posted the link with the “A Year With Myself” group. I am choosing to share it here, in this space today, because it is a huge piece of me. And that is transparency, sharing our innermost thoughts even when we are unsure of how they will be received.
When I first read the prompt, I felt intimidated and overwhelmed; yet, my accountability to my self and to the group inspired me to process the prompt, which then became empowering.
The prompt, from Goddess Leonie Dawson asks: “Have you found your soul’s compass yet? What would you like to call into your life? If the 80-year-old you wrote you a letter, what would she say? And in what ways are you a goddess?”
My Soul is Calibrated to Flow
by Joy
(written while listening to the song Heavenly Day)
I have the gift of ‘sight’; perhaps a more mainstream label would be clarity. I was born “knowing” who I am and what my purpose is. Some might read that and think how refreshing (and it is!). However…
Just because I know with certainty who I am and what my purpose is, doesn’t mean that I have always accepted it, or lived it, or even known what to do with that knowledge. I am love and peace and truth and my purpose is to be (and in the “act of being” to share) that love and peace and truth. Sounds simple, but I resisted it most of my life. I resisted my gift of clarity and I resisted my truth, because it set me apart from mainstream, it set me apart from those I love–for inevitably, people are drawn to love, peace, and truth, yet are not always able to receive it. So, in essence, people were drawn to me, but not always able to receive me. Why? Because I haven’t always been able to receive my self.
I wonder, how many of us feel a lack of peace in our lives and look externally to fill it, claim it, own it; yet, it is our inner journey that allows the experience of peace–in learning to love and accept self that we find it and live it.
About six years ago, I stepped out of the life I had “known”, into this life of being me. Quite simply, what I find is that when I live in alignment, I enjoy peace; when I share from this center of peace, I am sharing “golden”. My focus then is to live in alignment from this center of peace; which means that my choices might look unconventional, but my soul’s compass is calibrated to Flow and what I Feel each moment is gratitude. I often say (because I truly Feel) that gratitude and love are my navigational tools into a lovely harbor of peace.
A Letter From my 80 Year Old Self (by the way, in life I speak to myself in this tone, in these words, daily…it is a beautiful exercise in love!)
Dearest One,
Thank you for being you. I *love* your essence. I appreciate you.
Do you know what I love best about you? Your smile. That smile has been on your face from day one, lighting your space, sparking the smiles around you. Such a beautiful smile. Thank you for sharing it.
And your eyes. Those gorgeous hazel eyes, that have captivated each person who looks into them. Windows to your soul. Thank you for opening them as you do, and for allowing others to peer so intently into them, and for answering questions transparently as they tried to figure out why they sparkled so. Thank you for sharing your vision so openly, so freely, and for allowing that vision to guide your choices.
Love and gratitude. Your smile and your eyes are lit by love and gratitude. Thank you for having the courage to open your heart daily–through doubt and fear and external everything–to experience that love and gratitude.
Darling one, I don’t think you felt courageous; people would use that word to describe you and you would slough it off as you embarked upon your next adventure. Ah, that smile and those eyes have certainly led to many adventures. You have lived quite an amazing life: from pushing past your self-imposed limits, to loving fully to the depths of your being, to experiencing stillness so profound it brought tears to your eyes. You opened your self up to Feel to a depth and range that allowed for exquisite, elegant, excellent. Thank you for allowing those Feelings. So incredibly beautiful.
I know there were times you didn’t Feel that beauty. I am so glad that you opened through that because in doing so, you allowed your self to be that beauty, and when you share from this place, you reflect to others that which is beauty filled. Do you doubt that, still? Ah, you are absolutely beautiful. I don’t know why you cannot see that (I know you do not “like labels”, but labels are what we have, love)–as you spend hours in nature, in the hills and the ocean and the beach that you love so–you are all that you see, all that your heart holds dear, that is you reflecting to you. You are the vastness of the sky, and the power and grace of the ocean, and the majesty of the hills.
I know that your countless mornings breathing in the sunrise, and evenings basking in the sunset, and nights sleeping in the moonbeams nourished your being and allowed you to become that Light. Thank you for taking the time to breathe and bask and sleep in the light filled spaces.
Thank you for honoring each person’s individual paths, as you honored your own. There were times when you wanted to hold someone so close–your children, lovers–but you released that connection so that they might experience as they were meant to. In releasing, you were all able to create with freedom and joy and learned so much from each other. You walked many steps together, each step buoyant and light and refreshing. Such an honor to walk with loved ones, thank you for allowing that experience.
You won’t always have the “answers”. You won’t always know “how”. This may frustrate you at times, even temporarily slow you down, but you will innovatively create through these spaces. You call yourself a “feeler” but love you are a creator, an inventor…of this moment and all of your moments. And the life you have created is a wonderful one. Thank you for creating this life.
You already know this deep within. It all works as it is meant to.
I love you,
80-year-old me.
Thank you.
If you would like to read the previous week’s essay, please click this link: There is Only Now.
Much peace and abundant love,
Joy
Reminder: Experiment. Explore. Experience.